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26Mar/09

Plausible Deniability

Fatima Yamin

A Short Story, Perhaps About Love

The first time it happened was an accident.

Lemons were being peeled, that Kevin Costner film was on a rerun, summer had heat, and ice was being chucked in glasses. It had been a long day of packing boxes, with a suddenly friendly neighbor who volunteered her Sunday in a fit of elevator generosity.

How do you even thank someone you barely know, but who has a jagged sense of irony, can organize chaos, and is just plain nice, when you’ve found them, just when you are moving. So he made lemonade. Would have added some liquor, but it oddly felt inappropriate while the sun was still out. No one would have questioned that ethic in Spain…ah Spain…

A shock of lemon squeezed itself into her messy curls, and he decided to pluck it, without permissions. It was barely perceptible, but he saw her lips twist into an awkward smile, lopsided, as if the right side of her face was stroke-ridden, but it wasn’t grotesque, just odd…ly charming in a paralytic sort of way. An evolved chimp fear grin…

He didn’t see her again for a while.

They had stayed in touch, as promised, but his new job, and her constant travels, seemed to unmake the coffee cup that shouldn’t have been so hard for two same-city dwellers. They were occasionally invited to the same parties, but somehow they never seemed to arrive at the same time. Her face, now and again, would pop up in friend’s photos, and he’d think: “Now that’s a five-star girl.†But he never saw that lopped curve on her lips in any of them. And the memory faded.

Once while riding the subway he had a eureka moment: “She never did call in that IOU for strong arms when moving!†Hence, she must still live in his old building. Perhaps he could go there with the pretence for checking for old mail, but it had already been weeks, and the more he thought about it, it seemed to grow into a disproportionately stalkerish idea.

He let go.

After a while he stopped looking out for her at street corners, stolen gazes, coffee places or laundromats.

Two Fridays to that lapse in judgment, he found her again, abruptly.

It was in Aisle 3 of a supermarket he didn’t usually go to, but it was on his way to a friend’s housewarming. He was in-charge of cheese. She turned a corner and ran over his left foot with her overwhelming grocery cart.

And there it was again, that unmistakable arch of her oral orifice, pulling a Beyonce.

To the left, to the left.

Pleasantly embarrassed at having found him and run him over at the same time. (It’s easy being bipolar in urban settings.) He told her about cheese; she said she was getting supplies for a soup kitchen she volunteered for. They crowded Aisle 3 for at least ten minutes while irate shoppers tried to meander around them.

“Listen,†he said after a suit made him step aside to dive into a shelf of gourmet crackers their presence was embargoing, “I was heading to this party…â€

“Oh don’t let me keep you…â€

“Uh…actually, I was wondering if you’d like to come along?â€

“I have to get these supplies to the kitchen, and really I am not dressed.â€

“You look fine, its low key, and I’ll help you drop off the groceries.â€

“I don’t even know anyone there…â€

“You know me.â€

“Do I?â€

“No.â€

An inept silence, then he spluttered.

“I’d like you to know me.â€

There it was again then, that semi perk of the lips, which he was dangerously close to ego-maniacking as an exclusive communication.

“I’d like that, but without background noise…maybe we can get coffee after you are done there?â€

“That’ll be late.â€

“I don’t sleep much.â€

“So it’s a date?â€

“Its coffee…â€

“I’ll text you as I’m heading out, we can go to the all night diner by my old…by your place.â€

“Ok midnight warrior, see you then.â€

Another half smile later, Aisle 3 was clear.

But his mind wasn’t. He thought about her all evening, through cheese, wine, grapes, and some odd-poofy thingees–canapés gone haywire. He thought about her throughout the chatter, the tour of the nearly empty rooms, the board games, the pizza delivery guy messing up the order (pineapple on cheese? really?), and some late-arriving drunk walking in on the new white carpet with wet soles, and the ensuing hoopla (did you know spilling Diet Sprite on top is a cheap home-made remedy?). He thought so much he calamitously munched on a handful of peanuts.

Yes he’s allergic, yes there was a rush to the ER, yes that was faster then calling the ambulance, and no there was no midnight text nor coffee.

The next day he agonized about calling and explaining, but it all felt like such a story. At noon, he got a text from her.

“I fell asleep early, and I guess you had a late night, c’est la vie.â€

Now that’s five-star girl!

He called her/she didn’t pick up/he didn’t leave a message/she didn’t call back.

He didn’t see her again for a while.

Then he heard she maybe dating his college roommate’s sister’s ex-boyfriend. THAT cad, I mean seriously what the hell is she thinking! Did Jockmeister even get the nuances of the smile? Did he get that she was an absolute five star girl! It seriously led to a decline in his opinion of her. I mean if she’s taking herself to town with THAT subspecies of the human race, why the hell should he want ANYTHING to do with her. Damn the torch, he had more qualitative things to do with his time!

One Wednesday to that lapse in judgment, he found her again, abruptly.

Ok no that’s a lie; he knew she would be at the Klimt prints exhibition. (No he wasn’t so in tune to her artistic tastes, Facebook Twitterings help!) He went there early, and he’d stay there all night if he had to. He couldn’t help thinking he had to ask her why that guy for God’s sake, why him!

She walked in, alone, wearing a sun-bright yellow dress that he though was completely out of place for such a setting. He let his gaze follow her till the hair on the back of her neck must have stood under the severe scrutiny, but she seemed to be lost in Klimt. He could bear it no longer. He strode up, and stood besides her staring at the ‘The Virgins’ and willed her to turn his way. But patience couldn’t outlive the righteousness of his revulsions, he vehmenced:

“I think Gustav’s reputation as a master of eroticism is an utter ridicule of his works, they are absolute labors and expressions of love.â€

She didn’t turn. Her answer flowed in unperturbed knowledge of his presence and his stance.

“Eroticism is a huge facet of love.â€

“But there is this whole desire amongst people to vulgarize it. Klimt was not a horn-dog.â€

“There is nothing understated about Klimt, he saw it, he said it, minimalism is over-rated.â€

“Not everything needs to be declared.â€

She then let him see her lips rise in the familiar partial skew, as if it was indeed for him and him alone. It was even more tantalizing viewed in profile.

“Can’t we just take the guesswork out of…guesswork?â€

He c/wouldn’t answer. She started to walk away then, in another direction. He had been mistaken, she had not come alone. Jockmiester was there, bodaciously laughing at someone’s joke. Despite himself, he grabbed her wrist. She returned his questioning gaze:

“So your vision of Klimt is more in line with ‘Mulher Sentada’?â€

“‘The Kiss’. I revel in expressions. Its something I can sink my teeth into, respond to, follow, enjoy.â€

“So there is nothing to be said for natural progression? Every thing must be chased?â€

“I believe in seeking…and I want to be sought.â€

She left then, that five star girl, he watched her walk to Jockmiester, he saw she kissed his cheek, her lips did not curl in the act.

It would be a while before he even dared to think of her again…this was going to be a write-off. It was official, recession had hit EQ.

It was a Monday, so cold-so blue, beginning of the week. There was a gentle tap on his shoulder as he was about to walk out with his morning cuppa. Her hair was longer, her cheeks seemed sharper, but he knew it was her, although he desperately wanted to see that smile as a reconfirmation. She seemed warm wrapped up in her woolies. He had a bizarre urge to run his finger down her lips, and forcibly mold on that signature contour.

She said she’d lost her old phone with his number. She’s meant to call him post-Klimt.

He said that may have left him verklempt.

There was muted laughter.

A moment, and then there it was.

“Where did you get that smile from?â€

“Targhe.â€

“I’ve wondered about it.â€

“Its wondered about you.â€

“If I didn’t have to go to work right now, I’d…â€

“I know.â€

“You know that you are a five star girl don’t you.â€

“No.â€

“Well, you are.â€

“No.â€

“How can I convince you?â€

“I don’t think you can in a coffee line.â€

“How about over dinner, sometime.â€

“Yes, sometime…â€

“I promise not to eat peanuts!â€

“What?â€

That Thursday, he was held back at work, he emailed her to let her know dinner may not happen, but maybe a coffee and that promised conversation? She emailed back:

“Ok midnight warrior, text me as you are leaving, you know I never sleep.â€

He sat there thinking of her smile. He visualized it, felt his finger trace it across her face. He thought of the utter joy that randomly catching it every few months gave him. The stopping of his heart, melting into his gut, slipping through his soul. He though how it was fleeting bird, so beautiful in flights…of fancy.

He thought of pursuit vs. predisposition.

He thought many big thoughts about that smile on that five-star girl.

Then he deleted her number from his phone.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not necessarily of Vibes.

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  1. Cherroo
    May 28, 2009 1:02pm

    so much ha already be written about it in the comments, but i guess i'll say this...the fun lies in the chase :D

  2. bilkeys
    April 3, 2009 1:57am

    This was a really intelligent piece, well written. I think I kinda understand why he didn't want to see her again, fear of reality maybe? Look forward to the next one :)

  3. shamsideen
    April 16, 2009 5:18am

    MC, you have encapsulate the issue on a new level. The battle between "The one who doesn't value" and "the one who does nothing despite knowing the value." The first is simply ignorant and myopic. The other is worst. He suffers from so many other diseases which range from simple to complex. He is stupid, lazy, loser, faithless, ineffectual, insecure, vague, dubious, inept and lots more. If you value something with no other reason not to have it, then go for it and don't be a lame whimper!

  4. dodo3
    March 26, 2009 4:53am

    I had no idea Naseeb publishes 'short stories' too. That was engaging. I liked your way of story telling. Would like to read more of your work :) 5*

  5. Cherroo
    March 26, 2009 10:01am

    Thanks Dodo! Keep checking my blog in the next few days, I'll be putting up a new story.

  6. Menaal
    April 12, 2009 3:50pm

    There was this tree analogy that related how the best women are left alone since most men are intimidated to aim that high. I have personally experienced this. 5 stars girl!!!!

  7. Cherroo
    April 5, 2009 4:07pm

    word sister, it IS all about the chase :D

  8. elusivechick
    April 6, 2009 2:11pm

    This is a beautiful piece. Loved it!

  9. Written
    April 10, 2009 12:44pm

    I love this short story so much I want to marry it and have its babies.

  10. daniness
    April 10, 2009 3:49pm

    Great piece, but why such an ending???

  11. Cherroo
    April 11, 2009 2:23pm

    about the ending. i guess what needs to be clarified is that all my stories are based on truth of some sort. if i gave it a happy ending, i'd strip it from reality, and it'd just be a regular old soap opera. aren't we pumped enough saccharine into our bloodstream by mainstream media as it is? plus its the ending that got you talking, n'est pas :D at the end of the day, really who knows if their story has actually ended, i'm just using artistic license and relaying a segment of it. for all we know these two are still out their playing their game. Roro, I love you too. Written, lets start a mutual admiration society :D Elusive, thank you so much for reading :D

  12. Cherroo
    April 4, 2009 7:04pm

    FON & Shams, first of all thank you so much for your encouraging words. You guys rawk! As far as the ending is concerned, I think my primary motive was to keep it real, and focus on how things generally happen as opposed la-la-land hollywood happiness. The cities are full of people unwilling to risk their personal stability by getting involved with someone, no matter how wonderful they are. And more then that people just want the thrill of the moment, and not permanence. If they did take the risk of friendship, even vaguely, then their is a chance they'd be dragged into a relationship, and some of us just can't handle it. Also, I don't really think the end of my story is the end of their story. This tango may continue for ages to come, until one of them decides to come to grip with the situation, or take a risk.... Hope Floats :D

  13. bilkeys
    April 4, 2009 12:26pm

    Thanks MC, I will check out blog for more tales! FON: Yeah, it was well done wasn't it.. Shamsideen: Nice to see you..interesting thoughts.. I have been thinking about this a bit since I read it a few days ago and I have come up with a few things..I think the fact that something had come up everytime they were due to meet might have infact been exaggerated by him or even a fallacy. I think he was excited about the chase, the thrill of having her, but when he got the opportunity to make his lust a reality, he backed away. It's like us in so many aspects of our lives.. The grass is always greener and it might have even been an ego thing, where he had to know that she would risk her relationship with someone he dislikes..sometimes people get involved, not for love of the other person, but for love of themselves.

  14. force_of_nature
    April 4, 2009 10:31am

    MC a great read....had my attention from the get go...and you know how hard that is :op but i dont get why he deleted her number? am i missing something here??

  15. force_of_nature
    April 4, 2009 10:33am

    just read your comment below regarding the ending....now i get it....very masterful indeed :D

  16. shamsideen
    April 4, 2009 11:36am

    That was an interesting read. Got my attention all the way. I couldn;t get up to do something very important until I finished it. Well done. MC. Now, are there people like this in reality? Bottomline, his mind is somewhere else, he is infatuated, not in love. Love is hardly easily reined-in. Where there is love, phone number are engraved on the mind not address book. What a twart, and she offerred herself so openly. Why can't he even make a decision to be just a friend if he fears commitment or whatever.

  17. Cherroo
    April 4, 2009 2:11am

    HM, many men have found it to be a "happy ending" :D BK, thats exactly it. People are afraid of life, and they'd rather just wait on the sidelines and not risk anything. Its sad, but that's just how it is! I have more stories up on my blog if you'd like to partake :D

  18. lvely
    March 29, 2009 8:31pm

    I absolutely enjoyed reading this! The end, so abrupt...or the end, is it...

  19. Hayaah
    March 30, 2009 6:15am

    MC.. that so totally does explain those attitudes of today! I love the story even more now! :D

  20. Cherroo
    March 30, 2009 1:29pm

    lvely, the trail never ends :D hayaah, we are all the victims of our own devices...

  21. HumbleMale
    April 1, 2009 10:47pm

    It took me a few trials to read the entire text. It is better than some other topics...'he deleted her #', now that is classic!

  22. Cherroo
    March 29, 2009 6:25pm

    Thank you so much to everyone for your absolutely kind words of encouragement. I will be posting a new story on my blog in a day or two, and would as always love your comments, critique, laughter and derision. And would of course love to get published on Vibes again, if Vibes will have me :D Saakhi, I did get a lot of male-hate on this story! But no continuation, the piece is complete, the mating dance however will last forever :D Kanizami, chaste wasn't intentional. Post-modern love is often so complicated that culmination has become a bit of a pie in the sky...le sigh... Diablo, I've had women say that, I find it fascinating, and very telling of the gender reversals currently in place. Hayaah, I think the whole piece points to the laziness and ego mania of our generation. We are all about the short-term thrill, no one has the stability to see things througheven when its really worth it. Falsufi, tomorrow IS another day :D Again thank you!

  23. ghettolove
    March 26, 2009 11:00pm

    Dying here... I want more... :) loved it...

  24. A5635669x
    March 26, 2009 11:28pm

    this didn't get me flustered enough like the political pieces do... *sigh*

  25. Cherroo
    March 27, 2009 12:33am

    My Dear Nach, This piece is all about politics, sexual politics that is. And being a married man, you must know those are the most important and interesting dynamics in the world. But I am just thankful for an audience, so muchos gracias for reading. I would love more critique if you have it.

  26. toodledoo
    March 27, 2009 3:31pm

    I LOVE IT!! really enjoyed reading that :)

  27. missmoti86
    March 29, 2009 3:14am

    That was definitely an interesting piece of work. So real.

  28. falsufi
    March 29, 2009 7:38am

    I heart :D. Perfect for this annoyingly cold and dark sunday morning. At first I also though haaa what a cweeep!! But then you realize he wanted to hold onto that momentary crazy feeling..and not really spend forever and ever. Sort of like Scarlett and Ashley...she never really loved him..just the idea of him.

  29. t-dog
    April 17, 2009 7:07pm

    Not that I don't love "Hollywood" endings now and again, but...it would have oddly enough emasculated it. Lol...

  30. Cherroo
    April 17, 2009 5:09pm

    Shams, you restore my faith in male-kind :D Tonya, thank you for kind words...you humble me...and you are right, this is not hollywood, so the ending had to be real. Roro, I love you for understanding the emotions encapsulated in the piece so well. Overall I love all the comments the end is generating. I heart dialogue!

  31. t-dog
    April 17, 2009 2:50pm

    I sort-of thought the end was fitting. He kept making excuses the whole way through, having him get her at the end would have seriously mutilated what I thought the story was about in the first place.

  32. t-dog
    April 17, 2009 2:10pm

    I haven't read such well-written prose in SOOOOOOO long. This is smart, witty, incredibly well-written. I'm so impressed I didn't know this about you Mads!

  33. slipperysoul
    March 26, 2009 12:29pm

    Wow, it's so refreshing to see something posted that doesn't evoke a landslide of patronizing comments. And a piece about chaste and unfulfilled love? Just what the doctor ordered!

  34. Hayaah
    March 26, 2009 4:54pm

    I dont get why he deleted her number = o will be checking out ur link soon :D

  35. Cherroo
    April 15, 2009 12:54pm

    Interesting perspective guys. I don't think i crafted the story thinking that it maybe that the man is intimidated. But it could be. No wonder she ended up dating the other guy for a while. He was too much of a jackass to think outside of his own ego, he probably didn't realize the worth of this girl. But question is then who is worse. The one who doesn't value, or the one who does nothing despite it?

  36. shamsideen
    April 15, 2009 12:27pm

    Menaal: Its because most men are easily intimidated and often exhibit inferiority complex. Sometimes, its the fear of dominance -Perhaps strong and intelligent women should also know how to manage people without being seen as taking leadership. However, a man must learn to manage a strong and high achieving woman, and it is not by shouting or emphasising that "I'm the MAN."


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