Naseeb Blog Connecting Muslims across the world

11May/09

Social Networking Breakup

A year ago ago my parents introduced me to a girl in another city in the US

I am a 27 year old physician of Pakistani origin raised in the United States with traditional/ moderate muslim values. A year ago ago my parents introduced me to a girl in another city in the US.

We got to know each other and were considering getting engaged soon. Recently I discovered pictures of her on a social networking website wearing rather inappropriate clothes and dancing very closely with guys at a party. This did not bode well with me.

She claimed that I was old school and narrow-minded and we broke it off. Did I do the right thing? What should I do now?

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Vortex


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  1. if we have no right to judge, then hy is the poster allowed to judge the actions of this woman and call off the marriage? you can't say e don't have the right to judge. Judging is a way to think about htings, people, actions. to say e have no right to judge is to say e have no right to think.

  2. Find another girl she is not worth it! before marriage if you are going through fixing her or asking her or telling her dancing is not what you like blah blah... Dude she should know what is islam, and how muslims should behave in public. also if she is desi specially she should have culture if not ... find a different fish, this is ocean there are tone of beautiful good humble cultured islamic girls there. you don't have to tell anything they are already brought up in good values. if you are gonna do Father job... trust me you will endup divorcing her. kalaas, don't waste your time go on look for another girl

  3. how does that old biblical idiom go again? let he who is without sin cast the first stone? I think you may need a little more time to mature before pursuing another relationship period. Why would you air your dirty laundry (and your exes for that matter) on ANOTHER social networking website, sounds a little vengeful to me. That's not only un-Islamic it is also cheap, classless, unsophisticated and yes very immature. maybe you should seek out professional advice on this matter? Hey and Thanks to all the creepy hypocrite Fundo guys who posted on here, what a great way to weed you out of the bunch!

  4. "I am a 27 year old physician of Pakistani origin raised in the United States with traditional/ moderate muslim values. " hmmm he was raised in usa....wouldn't what he means by moderate/traditional would be different from one who is raised in Saudi Arabia? One man's Moderateness would be other man's Liberalness Ok lets just say if he does comes from a Moderate or Traditional family, wouldn't that Moderate/Traditional family would have done a background check first before letting their Son meet the girl? and plus if they the Moderate/Traditional parents would have mentioned to the parents of the girl what type of Bahoo(daughter-in-law) they are looking for their SON, their Flesh and Blood/their Shahzada/Pupu Raja/ Jigr ka Tokra/ their Sonu/ Chodvi ka Chand/ Their Munna :P " Recently I discovered pictures of her on a social networking website wearing rather inappropriate clothes and dancing very closely with guys at a party. This did not bode well with me. She claimed that I was old school and narrow-minded and we broke it off. " If the parents of the guy were indeed Traditional/Moderate that they went as far as to choosing the wife for their son or suggesting a wife for their son wouldn't they have detected something which says much about this girl or her values or her parents or their values before they chose to introduce the girl to their son " I discovered pictures of her on a social networking website wearing rather inappropriate clothes and dancing very closely with guys at a party. " " A year ago ago my parents introduced me to a girl in another city in the US. We got to know each other and were considering getting engaged soon. " There was Either: Failure in Communication or Misperception or Over Expectation or Lies or One of Various Mix Combinations of the Above.. ...from Either one of the Side or Both Sides because someTHINGS are not adding up " I raised in the United States with TRADITIONAL/ MODERATE muslim values " If the guy's parents were indeed TRADITIONAL/MODERATE and they did their thing s TRADITIONAL/MODERATE parents would do then something might have happened which threw their senses off course from detecting whats wrong " I discovered pictures of her on a social networking website wearing rather inappropriate clothes and dancing very closely with guys at a party. " Either because of Expectation-Old-Perception-of-the-G irl by the Parents-of-the-Guy resulting in Current Epiphany___maybe the guy's parents used to know the girl and her parents from her younger years Or the Guy or His Parents were Deceived or Mislead into thinking what girl is like Crazy things happen, you can't definitely judge

  5. another thought. when you do ANYthign in the name of Allah (or supossedly in the name of Allah) it is not a personal choice in the sense that you're speaking. it's an islamic choice. and that is why it's available to scrutny from the rest of us.

  6. Allah knows best - not you! Scrutiny is His right, and no one elses. Sorry dude, but we have no right to judge - it is NOT given to us. Its that simple.

  7. Out of curiosity, for those who claim the woman is a 'slut', not a 'muslim' etc etc, had the roles been reversed. Say it was a woman who had asked this question in regards to a guy she was considering getting engaged to, she found the pictures and when she asked him about it he says that she's the narrow minded one and that it was in the past. Would the same advice apply to her as well?

  8. when a hijabban goes out in public, when ANY muslim goes out in public, they are representing islam and its followers. it doesn't matter if those actions are a speech, mode of dress, or murder. I refuse to let misguided fools who don't know our faith to represent me and the rest of us. If anything, the hijab is the ultimate marker of a muslim (much like a yarmulke). It was originally supossed to be a marker for women of islam, representing their piety. in this day and age, and even in that day and age, image is everything. look at our original poster? he called off a marriage to someone he liked because of an image.

  9. Hahaha what an awesome way to weed out the creepy Fundo guys on this website. I just have to read these advice posts. Thanks!

  10. you two were obviously incompatible with one another---so by breaking it off u guys did the right thing---i mean, you yourself probably didnt do an excellent job of communicating how you felt about her life style and she in return didnt like your impositions and well better late than sorry:)

  11. People have different boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. It is very important that you find someone for yourself that shares the same values and Islamic boundaries you do. Communicate what those are prior to getting engaged or married, which is great that you did. If I found pictures of my wife to be wearing inappropriate items and then posting it on the web for others to see, along with dancing with other guys then that would not bode well with me either. I personally would break it off assuming she felt there was nothing wrong with it and proceeded to do so. If it was something in her past that she felt was stupid and would not happen again then you suck it up, forgive and forget. She obviously didn't if she still had them up on a social networking website and dissed you about it. For some other guys that might be okay and power to them, not going to hate on anybody's lifestyle or taste being different. This one was not sound right for you personally as your values did not align. I think you did the right thing. Islamically if she was doing something inappropriate without showing any remorse for it but rather justifying it and criticizing you for it, that doesn't sound like your dream baby mama. Inshallah you hope to have children one day and if the mother cannot show modesty of her own body and the way she is with men, then what kind of model would she be for your daughters and children? Inshallah I hope both of you find suitable partners with ease. Good luck

  12. I think you followed your heart and that is the right thing to do and if you are narrow minded for her which in itself is a relative term then perhaps she is/was not for you and vice versa I personally would've questioned and reasoned a bit to find a bit more and perhaps then made s call based on what my heart tells me.. No point living a life of animosity with your partner for life Good Luck

  13. Salam Well as Omer said people have different boundaries and different approach towards everything I think if you were not comfortable then you did the right thing. You should find someone whom you share the same values so that you won;t have to worry about being to liberal or putting restrictions on her. I understand it is kinda hard these days but I am sure there is that one person out there who will have the same thinking as yours. Another thing I donnot if you spoke to her and explained why u are doing it. Dont worry about being called backward and all those things. Thats human nature to easily put ur blame on other to make the other person feel bad over such pedi matters. In my view U did the right thing. God bless you and good luck in future

  14. My assessment of this situation based on the limited facts is that you were being a good Muslim/good son to plan getting married thru a parental intro (after getting to know her ofcourse). The fact is that the girl and you were obviously not on the same page as far as life styles are concerned. You got to know her over a period of time and yet you "discovered" her pics on a social networking site. These pics conform to a lifestyle not acceptable to you. This can only mean she projected an image different from her true self during the "geting to know process". Such deception could possibly be due to a desire to marry a "shareef" young doctor. This marriage is best avoided. Allah prevented you from greater disappointment and heartbreak. It is natural to feel a sense of loss and even some self doubt because of your age and the semi engaged relationship status. However, the break-up is for the best. Move on. Develop interests to divert your mind and pray to Allah. Inshallah someone deserving of you would come along sooner than later. and Allah knows best, may He give us the best of spouses from his infinite mercy.

  15. i feel this girl totally dodged a bullet. she should thank you for being a backwards, bearded cave-dweller. your a surgeon? do you not treat women, for fear that you might see them naked (or close to it)? it boggles my mind that you're a doctor, yet living in the stone age mentally. how do you function in the world? that's besides the point, though. you DID do the right thing. you spared this poor girl from a lifetime of misery with you. seriously, grow up. welcome yourself into the 21st century and become a real muslim. stop it with this "purdah" garbage. because if you think it's that important, then truly, it must be a sin for you to just walk down the street? also, answer this for me: does Allah tell you to disregard love for rules that are not even islamic, but cultural? didn't islam originally do away with cultural attitudes that, amongst other things, oppressed women? why are you regressing, friend? islam commands us to progress. and until you do progress, stop embarassing the rest of us and stop calling yourself a muslim.

  16. U did the right thing, bro. Clear there's a clash of values here. I would do the same if I were in your shoes. U prevented a bigger disaster later.

  17. ....no one is perfect If you dig this girl, then give her another chance Consider dating/engagement for 3 months, but try to be close - believe me, people can't hide their true colors for more than 3 months If you guys are still going strong well after 3 months, then go for it - good luck!

  18. this isn't about who is in the right or wrong here...its more about wot is right for you...and wot is right for her...u both have ure own sense of convictions and principles and boundaries u live within...if you can't accept each other the way you are then u did the right thing...cos you don't marry someone for the person u want them to change in to but the person they are...

  19. From your description of what happened , its blatantly obvious the person you were engaged to had no respect for your traditional values (indirectly which means you). Instead of a neutral discussion you were tagged old school, backwards, etc. So would you have spent the rest of your life sharing with such an inconsiderate person? You can answer that one yourself. You've made the choice but your mind is going through reconciliation. If I were you I wouldnt be in self doubt, instead would say NEXT.

  20. it depends on what your values are and you want to see in your life partner? if her lifestyle is something that bothers you and she is not willing to change than i think its better to move on and find someone who you can share the same values with and find solace in one anothers decisions and lifestyle.

  21. No one's perfect and every single person has different values considering modesty even amongst muslims. One person's moderate behavior would be another person's liberal or conservative behavior. Try to find someone who is close to your values (moderate, extremist, liberal whatever it may be). Also we can't change anyone. Change comes from within. Besides ones level of Iman is never constant. It decreases or increases at different times. Today's mullah can be tomorrow's player or vice versa. Just find someone who has values similar to you (whether its liberal or conservative or anything in between). I'm not going to say whether you are right or wrong. You are a western raised doctor and should be able to determine what is right for you.

  22. salaam, Hope you're well. It would be benefical to really think about what you want in a life partner before getting involved with anyone at anytime. If dress code is important to you and you can't see them everyday (living in different cities) make sure you discuss your expectations, afterall you are educated and should know what you want by now. If you two have similar values/beliefs about daily life, then go ahead. Sure, we all have a past, some good, some not so good, however what's important is the present and future. Ask her if she wants to continue that way of dressing as that seems to be the most important detail to you right now and if not, then at least you know now, rather than later. Ask about male friends and her view on having them and limitations with them and see where you agree/disagree. This is not about her pictures (PAST), rather about what you can live with NOW and in the FUTURE. We live and we learn, whats important is what you have learned and will apply in the present and future. Leave the rest to Allah (swt) to judge. best of luck.

  23. Good. You did the right thing. She sounds like a slut and probably wanted you because of your dough.

  24. well, you did a right thing. If you don't like certain things, it was better to clear them up before marriage. If you would have found after marriage, it would have been worse, fights and all that. Marriages can go very bad if you have a different set of values. For example, girl wearing bikini in public or shorts and you being against it. She just grew up with different style. and it would have been a problem with your family too at back home, they may not have approved such actions. Anyway, you will find traditional girls in USA too. It's just how much western culture's ones family is following, here or there.

  25. I think you did the right thing.....you need be able to trust the person you are planning to marry......if you and her are not on the SAME-PAGE!!! then it might create trouble for both of you in the future if you proceed with this distrust for her you have in your heart or girl herself might have wanted to break it off with you and she might not wanted to use any words for it Religious or NOT-RELIGIOUS that would make ANY GUY jealous or turn him off Big Time to see his girlfriend or fiance or His Woman dancing with another bloke in her Skimpy clothes bouncing her junk around here and there, sometimes Fights Break out in the Clubs for the same reason, one man trying to dance with another man's woman Btw were they doing SALSA ? :P and since she clearly defended herself i assume her friend wasn't a Gay-Guy at All otherwise that would be first thing she would have shouted out "he is GAY!!!" My Heart felt Empathy if you developed feelings for this girl Try to find somebody who's boundaries are compatible with your's Different people have different boundaries, some boundaries are well known or well-defined while some are set upon or hidden behind double standards and hypocrisy

  26. We make a plan and the Allah(SWT) has a plan for us. You saw through her hollowness and obviously she put a sham face before she got busted :) You did the right thing brother. Find someone who is in line with Islamic values and you will live a happy life. I know its tough these days :) but inshAllah you will find one. Its despicable that standards and norms of respect & broad mindedness have changed these days and religious people who discourage such practices are labeled mullas/molvis, backward & conservative. These people do this under peer pressure and in the process forget who they are. You hang in there and good things will happen to you.

  27. To be honest I think you made the right decision. If she had no problem with what she was doing and you did have a problem with it then you both clash ideologically and honestly there isnt too much you can do about that. You shouldnt try to change someone because you can't mold people theyre not made of play dough. Plus down the road if she were to disclose that maybe she had been intimate with somebody before you came in the picture...would you be able to handle it, or look past it? If you had differences on a personal scale like this you probably would have had other differences as well even down the road raising kids and even with other issues that may arise. It seems that this girl may have been more liberal in her mindset and you more traditional with what you expect from a partner. IF you still love her which is why your probably asking this question....just realize that you are better off because you probably saved yourelf a lot of heartache, headaches, fights and suffering....you cant foster a relationship in which both people cant even agree on what is acceptable and what isnt....and as for all these morons calling you backwards and stuff...just like you guys have the right to go out and enjoy yourself and be free and want to not be judged....you should give this person the same courtesy as to his freedom to chose what he finds acceptable behavior for his future partner.

  28. Kidding me, R U kidding me! This person sounds like an immature, still stuck at the high school age. u did gd, not to move forward when there is no compatibility which certainly would have resulted in a divorce. ur question of "what should I do now" makes no sense. Look for someone that shares the same values with you.

  29. Don't you think that its about time for sluts to quit justifying their action by using same old boring excuse of calling men old school, narrow mind blah blah....I can personally care a less if they wanna go and strip on the road but atleast would expect a girl to show me her real self no matter what it is if talking about marraige..A girl who can go to any length to get attention like giving up islamic values..wearing short clothes..dancing and all that with guys..tell me why does she deserve a nice educated physician? I think its her loss not yours... Dude you will never have peace of mind with a girl like that...A personal advice ..Stay away from girls who are into mind games..like showing you a different image in person and having a different life style behind your back....expecting you to be more modern than you are comfortable with...remember two things dude..don;t ever ever compromise jut cos' she is pretty looking ..and Don;t ever marry a slut who will make your house - a mad house, a club...instead of a peacful, happy home with islamic values....if i were you..I will go to mosque pray two rakat to thank Allah that he saved you from such a big headache..going through marraige, dealing with fights and finally ending up with a divorce... It's all logics you see...you can never expect grapes from a banana tree..just cos' the tree is pretty looking!!!

  30. Dude! You did the RIGHT thing! Always remember, there are girls that you party with! and there are girls that you marry! its very important to make that distinction! Again, You did the RIGHT thing!

  31. Since everyone else is dissing this girl who isn't here to defend herself (or is she???), I'll take the other spectrum. This guy says that she ridiculed him for being "old school and narrow-minded" before they broke it off. So obviously she wasn't lying about her pictures or her behavior presented in said pictures on whatever social networking site she was on. Given that he's on one here, I cannot fault her for being on one, so that's out too. And if he has a problem with it, he addressed it. Frankly, I don't know what the problem of what he should do now is for anyway. He already did what he did, as AuroraBorealis said ages ago. It's not like if we all told him it was a mistake he'd go back to her because he knows the marriage was doomed since their ideals did not match up. And that being said, what's the use of turning this into some mud slinging festival? So what if she's on a social networking site with whatever "inappropriate" clothes is supposed to mean? For all we know she could have simply had one a long-sleeved tee and jeans. We don't know anything about this man's tastes or her lack thereof. We're just making assumptions about both, and turning into morality police hypocrites. So I ask again, why rag on this girl? Seems to me she was being upfront and he refused to see it until the "evidence" was staring him in the face on the computer. What if she was being just the same person she always is the entire time only he saw what he wanted to see? We don't know that either. There is always another side.

  32. ok t-dog...........you should try reading the question before making your own assumptions...............what he asked was in the context of his values did he do what was appropriate? The answer is yes....to him it felt that she was wearing inappropriate clothing...that is relative and upto him to decide what he feels is and isnt inapprpriate....you ppl think its ok to judge someone and his beliefs because relative to your belief or standard of impropriety they are backward and conservative....which is a reflection of how enlightened and free thinking you truly are. Judging someone elses belief system. He needed to know that according to what he believes he did what was right...and it says in the quran "30. Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. 31. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss. " As for saying that we dont know what she was wearing it makes no difference what she was wearing if she's dancing with some random guy who isnt her mahram(guardian) or her husband then she is being immodest.... i would think that would be the logical thing deduced from the question but it seems like your intelligence as with your advanced age is withered and declining and i thought we age like fine wine....and plz dont tell me some ppl go to clubs to be wallflowers we all know why anyone goes to them.... Plus the above quranic verse show that any sort of unmodesty on the part of both sexes is forbidden in islam...so whoever was claiming that this guy is backward for following what his deen tells him stating god doesnt sanction it....has obviously not read the quran or doesnt have a clue what hes talking about....peace

  33. Well frankly, its better you found out now that your values are not as compatible, rather then later after marriage and or kids. Now THAT would have been a disaster. Perhaps it was Allah's way of showing you her "true colors." Don't worry you'll find the perfect someone that is meant for you iA! Good luck!

  34. Its totally shocking that I am agreeing with Aliya06 on this one. Hell must be freezing over right now. This really is about compatible lifestyles. No one is at fault here. If you do not see yourself as compatible with this girl and are harboring doubts, then you did yourself and her a favor by breaking it off now before taking more serious steps in your relationship.

  35. Salam Alikuum. No need to even think twice about a girl like that. Move on and find someone else and I'm sure you won't have trouble amongst the desi crowd since you are a doctor mash'Allah. Actually, don't marry anyone who wants to marry you for your profession and wallet--60% of the desi girls in America. Pathetic. Good luck and have faith in the Lord above.

  36. is mainly about what you should do now. Since you are of traditional values, you should consider marrying someone from Pakistan. Chances of your finding someone compatible are higher there. Most people will say you did the right thing. Whether you accept it or not, morality is relative. Despite her choice of attire and dancing, she might be a moral woman and deserves to be with someone compatible. So do you.

  37. All of you peons are lost in the sauce, always trying to shelter out the truth (reality). You sheep all know deep inside that the Muslim females of modern day are double sided paradox, oxymoronic moon settlers. Living dual lives, dual facebook accounts, dual naseeb accounts, dual photos (one innocent religious persona, other party diva beyonce). They all live 2 lives, point blank. They probably have two driver licenses,..why do you think they own 5- 60 purses/shoes. Vortex if you have seen her monkey partying pics, then you should definitely pause for a moment and take time to decipher out this downtown diva for a second. There is no rush in 09 to be diving in for a female and to enter marriage. Do your knowledge on this particular broad and take one step. This has nothing to do with religion or Qu`ran quotes. If she was Buddhist a man would still raise his eye browns over seeing baboon pics partying. Its not about certain groups/labels, its about human nature. The behavior of a human which is universal. Because natures laws are universal.

  38. thanks for puttig this up Vortex... u can now separate those who see this simply as an issue of compatibility (or lack of it) from those who see this as an opportunity to demean all women as sluts if they are: 1. on a social website (and they should know cos they are on there too and know its really just used to add random strangers of the opposite sex as friends) 2. in inappropriate clothing (which could encompass anything from does not wear a hijab at one end to wears a bikini top with mini skirt at the other but for some reason these naseebers presume it is at the latter end) 3.dancing at a party with guys ( i mean was she lip-locked with these guys or were they jsut staning/dancing next to her...) Everyone has a right to create their own boundaries...and choose people based on compatible boundaries..but hey...that does not give anyone the right to disrespect others for their choices being different to theirs... Also Vortex...be glad u broke it off cos u don't sound liek u were compatible....btw nice of u to put her on a platform here for "jerks" to call her a slut...ure the doc...she's the slut at the party...u shouldn't get back togehter jsut based on teh fact that u have let people talk about her like that with no opportunity to challenge ure version of things...she deserves better!

  39. If i`d analyse your case ...i would say niether one of you is at fault.The point here is before getting into any relationship get to know the person first if they match your values etc...trust me inbetween the lines it doesent take ages to judge a person if they match up or NO...but sadly I would say that if a girl has a different way of dressing it doesent make her a slut...on the same note if you have traditional/cultural values it doesent make you old school either...atleast give her this much she wasnt a hypocrite!...whats done is done ..no point in flogging a dead horse..find someone who is suitable to your cultural values/traditions..life goes on...:)

  40. Assalamualaikum No worries bro! There shldn't be any regrets. Nothing against the gal but u made the right decision just based on clash in values. Values determine one's lifestyle and if u cant see eye to eye on whats appropriate and what is not, then it will bring a host of other problems in the future. As for those who are quick to call the lady a slut, no offence but it does reflect on u as a person and the kind of respect u wld bestow on any woman. Hopefully all ur gd deeds will go to her as reward to firstly judge someone u dont even know and there's always 2 sides of the story. Her values might change over time and only Allah knows. But Vortex.dont let this doubt ur decision because we r talkin about right now and I wldn't encourage u to invest time and emotion on something that is uncertain. And I heard someone mention Salsa :) (again a misconception that its a "hot" dance although strictly any male-female touchin makes it wrong) well doesnt matter what type of dance it was but the point bein if Vortex is hurt by that and his concerns were waved off.then its outright incompatibility.... Finally I m appaled at various double standards ..and i do hope its a joke although hardly funny..one being that guys need to make distinction between who to dance with and who to get married to? hmmmm so i guess its ok for guys to be male sluts (i hate using the word jerks :P~ ?)since u dance with the ladies urself. And of coz appaled at the angst and sweepin statements such as "60% of desis in US just after wallet" or somethin like that..hmmmmm sheeeesh.have they ever done a sociological research on this to derive at that? I wonder why I brought this up when I m not even desi..hahahaha Wassalam.

  41. ... to all the hijabi's out there who wear things like skinny jeans or low cut shirts... why do you bother wearing the hijab? do you know what wearing the hijab means (doesn't mean?). do you know what wearing skinny jeans/ low cut shirts mean (though, i think it should be implied)? i'm really interested in hearing some responses.

  42. Did I do the right thing? Yes, it's crucial taht you share smae similar cultural/religious values What should I do now? don't think back on it. be great ful you saw them and...move on.. Facebook does suck..

  43. my guessing we human always commit sin on the earth. no body is perfect. as being logical about islam. we could advised her anything she did in the past now she is in real life relation ship . she should nt do that. i have seen some muslim family living in us. their kids going to school and they dont know well about islam and cloths traditional. and most of them are so eager to learn about islam. the best way a man being logical about islam . can show her the right way .

  44. If you are not satisfied with clothes, don't know how many more things will come in future. I believe, you should be asking yourself, if you did the right thing? I strongly feel that you did right. This relation is not about her life style or your life style, it is about patience, acceptance, sacrifice and mutual understanding. I will stress more on patience and sacrifice. I can't feel there's any thing between you two. And, if you follow old school or different values, so what? (Even if it is not true else you wouldn't come here on naseeb n asking folks). You two are following different values and standards of living and were not agreed on mutual understanding. It was important to finish it before you go in nikah. I absolutely agree with your decision.

  45. its normal ...most of us dance .. just chalk this up as a badly developed rishta where you were different .. if it bothers you, make sure to clarify these things earlier next time. Good Luck and Gods Speed! p.s. u did the right thing for you (hopefully in a mature and respectable way). Just be upfront about expectations earlier next time :)

  46. Assalaamualaykum, First of all, congratulations for steering clear of disaster, as difficult as it may have been for you. Although it is natural to have regrets after any difficult decision, you should not have any here. If you had gone ahead with this charade, then you would've certainly ended up unhappy in a very short time, and you would've ended up getting a divorce. Secondly, you should thank Allah SWT for opening your eyes and allowing you to see the truth, for it was his grace guided you to that social networking site where you saw what you saw. Lastly, its time to move on. I don't know how much you'll trust your mom's suggestions now, regardless, continue your search and inshaAllah Allah SWT will give you what you seek whenever its meant for you. Take this as a lesson, and think not of it as a waste of time. Life itself is an exercise, and each hurdle we jump strengthens and emboldens us for whatever else lies ahead.

  47. Dude, my cousin wore a hijab so that she wuldn't be offered alcohol at her firms outings. It means whatever the girl wishes it to mean. We need to stop worrying about what other people are doing, we have no right or reason - in the end, it is between them and their creater.

  48. Keep in mind one thing, you can't change people. If she claims your views are "old school", when you believe it's a question of something bigger - of morals, then both of you will not see eye to eye on anything! Go with your gut instinct and don't think twice. If you think you should give her another chance to accept her faults, prepare yourself for probable disappointment. After all, it's best to be pragmatic and realistic.

  49. It seems like that in our culture, most people would (and they have) appreciate your move and vote it to be the right one. The question you have to ask yourself is that did you get a fair idea of her personality and her inclination for outgoing/partying lifestyle in your prior interactions with her? If you did, did you like it initially, that wild side but you wanted to tame her? and upon realizing that she has had a past some other males, you felt intimated enough to want out? If you honestly didn't have any idea about what was in the closet, then you are exonerated and are should not have any doubt that you have been saved. Otherwise, if you were in it with some level of expectation and all of a sudden your expectations were blown away by her true colors, then you shouldn't have reacted the way you did. Bottom line is, be clear in your head about your values and then try to find your significant other who is in line with those cose set of values. Also, don't put alot of emphasis on you being a doc, as it shows that you might be demanding extra respect from your significant other based on your financial/social status. Good luck.

  50. it is our problem. when someone claims to do something in the name of islam (wearing a hijab) but has no idea why she's wearing it, or what it means, or even if she's supposed to do it, it does effect you. it says aomsehitn about YOUR faith. God has given us brains to protect OUR faith. so, if there are terrorists in the world killing people in the name of Allah, that's OK with you? because that's their belief and to "Each his own?" ("we can't judge people." "hey, you wanna kill hundreds of people? man, i can't judge that action!") No. it isn't nor should it be. same with this hijab issue. we have to protect our faith from misinformation. that is the only way forward for us. we have to take a stand against what is an islamic practice and what is Not. p.s. i like how the only person to respond is a GUY and not a woman.

  51. that is exactly whats wrong with Islam nowadays. People can't distinguish between individual freedom and community representation. A hijaban is not a banner, she is an individual. A terrorist act is an act supposedly representing a cause. You wearing a dari is different from you taking political action for a group. Think about how you feel wearing a dari versus giving a speech for ISNA. one is your personal choice, and why u do it, the other is representing a group or a cause. We need to stop false expectations that we are NOT allowed to have - a hijaban is not a mullah or an imam .. she is like every normal non-representative of Islam like you or me.

  52. "Some people like peanut butter (or any other sorta food), some people don't. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the penut butter itself" In this case I don't know if anyone is in a position to make any sort of judgement call on either parties character here. The guy and girl didn't suit, end of story. Who is 'right' or 'wrong', 'moral' or 'immoral', 'the slut' versus the 'narrow minded fool' is a point of perception. Vortex, as to if you did the right. It depends on your outlook. - If you feel that you could not have looked past this, then sure you did the right thing. - If you feel you were too hasty in your decision and this was something you could have let pass, well then you did the wrong thing. - If its guilt you're feeling, then you need not feel it, cuz you did nothing wrong. Just went with your instincts and were honest and upfront about it. As to what to do now. You move one, let your relatives introduce you to people, but get to know them still, and be just be honest about who you are and what you want. You're the peanut butter, eventually you'll find your jam! :) Bestest of Luck!!

  53. If she is like that what is the different between none muslima and muslima? don't lower your standards man. hold on to the old school islam when its come to islam there is not a such thing old school or new school. either you are muslim or not, you follow the basic principles or not. there is gray areas but not in this case. there are tones of none muslimas wanna come to islam bring them into islam marry them... da'wa through marriage. Most of the muslim girls are worser than none muslim girls. if it was her past thats a different story. but if she say you are old school and stuff that mean she is trying to define her mistake and living with the diluted mind. Kalaas be happy find another girl, there are tones of muslim girls out there follow islam.... go for one of those. Moderate, liberal, traditional all these are western invention...! don't get into things like that. be who you are..

  54. Interesting that u need to start with "I am a doctor". Ur professional accomplishment are a reward from the almighty and do not place u in a moral or religious superiority berth. If u dont like someone else's style of fun, thats perfectly fine, no pressure to get engaged. Marriage is abt compatibility. Why the guilt unless u think u may have misjudged?

  55. If she said its my past yes. but she doesn't seem to care about it, what she care is that he is old school. yes advice apply to every one, but be a muslim by name not enough be a true one if not dont corrupt other muslims name! Islam is old school if you guys cameup with islam of Bush, then you are not part of our ummah... If you do anything do it with passion, if you follow islam follow it with passion. not following is one thing, but calling him old school is another thing that shows that she doesnt give a ratazz about his faith. if you wanna act like a muslim be with them... i seriously dont care! Allah knows the best all know who is scrutinizing? are you smoking? sound like you are incapable of understanding simple text. Every body judge, judgmental is part of human nature, if you dont judge you wont be who you are now. don't try to tell me you don't judge.

  56. Wow really more than 60% girls are gold diggers who wants to marry doctors for their money I dont think its the girls more like their parents. Personally I think doctors are overrated they would make bad husbands because they are tooooooooooo self-centered. I dont blame them knowing the conditions they have go through. Just take this guy, was there a need to mention he is doctor. 2nd question if he mentioned his profession than why not mention the girls profession. Apparently its all about him (I suppose he has right, sorry I dont mean to be hateful). Its a little amusing to categorize girls, I guess in good old days girls might needed husbands with fat wallets due to lack of their own income. Well gentleman welcome to the new millennium, girls dont have to depend on males. Anyway enogh about that I gota say I am deeply disturb about the opinion guys hold about girls. Lack of respect I suppose. Desi society still has not mange to give adequate respect to girls . Anyway there is no such thing as moderate religious you either partice religion or you dont. Most people will end up marrying the type of people they are, (your spouse is your other half). If you want a good girl, you might want to try being a good guy. Not that I am saying u r not. But good guys dont trash their potential would be spouses! Best of luck I hope u find a wife u deserve.

  57. From the way you phrased your question it seems like you are a pretty culturally traditional guy who values family approval and social acceptance. It's why you define yourself as "27 year old physician of Pakistani origin raised in the United States" and it is why you are looking for a girl through your parents. And it's why you are seeking approval from complete strangers about such a personal issue. Given that, yes, you should NOT marry a woman who is at all "westernized" or who does not meet a traditional standard of "appropriate" dress or behavior. You need to marry someone who will be above reproach and who will reflect well on yourself and your family. It isn't a question of right and wrong in an absolute sense...but a question of what is right for *you*. If you're someone who cares about what others (family or society in general) think of you -- then you should marry accordingly. If certain boundaries are important to you in yourself and in your spouse, then you should be with someone who shares those boundaries. You can't expect to enforce them on someone else or ask someone to change for you. It has to come from within. The problem you're having right now is that you're so dependent on approval and validation from others that you're bothered by *her* judging you to be "old school" and "narrow-minded". You want to be liked, admired, approved of by *everyone* -- even this girl. So now you turn to naseeb vibes to find that validation and bury her negative comments under a pile of approval. But why does it matter what she thinks of you...or what any of us think? We are all completely insignificant....or at least we should be. It was bad luck that by doing the traditional thing (parental set up), you encountered a non-traditional girl who made you question yourself and made you feel badly about your values. But that's the reality of parental set ups -- no one is being honest with anyone else. Parents lie about their child's age, height, career, etc. And children lie to their parents (or conveniently omit the truth) about their "other" social lives. Everyone whitewashes reality to make themselves as socially acceptable as possible. In traditional society, what matters is not what you *are* but what people *think* you are. So, ironically, by choosing the traditional set up method, you're actually likely to encounter the most dishonesty -- who aren't up front about who they are. This girl was not overtly dishonest, but clearly she neglected to mention certain things that should be discussed before marriage to a Muslim man. To give her the benefit of the doubt, that may simply reflect immaturity and inexperience on her part. The point is that you need to be certain of your own values, lifestyle preferences, and "deal-breakers" in a mate before you meet anyone. Don't let anyone tell you that your values are not right (especially the person you've just rejected -- they're likely to lash out at you out of hurt, anger, wounded pride). When it comes to rishtas, you're going to invest in things that don't pan out. Even if you ask all the right questions, you might come across people who aren't honest with you. Rather than feel badly about time or energy wasted, learn something be glad you found out *before* marriage that you were not compatible. And learn something from the experience that you can apply to your next set up. Just have faith in God and in yourself and hope that you find the right person through trial and error. Always trust your gut. If something does not *feel* right to you, don't do it. Except, if you've spent your life doing what others want, you may have long ago repressed any "gut feelings". In that case, just tell your parents everything about any girl you're talking to and let your make the deicison for you. They'll likely stay very involved after marriage -- so rather than make your own decision and end up marrying someone who will cause conflict with your parents, just marry the person your parents choose for you. I'm pretty sure your parents would not approve of a girl who dances with guys and bares too much flesh. I'm a big fan of traditional guys from here marrying young women from Pakistan. That way, the girl comes to the U.S. and molds herself and her life to your and your parents' expectations. Even if she was a partier in Pakistan, she'll have no social network here and will have to accomodate to your life. And the woman from Pakistan is so thrilled to be in the U.S. and to get American citizenship (and possibly sponsor her family as well) that she won't resent having to mold herself. It's a win-win situation where everyone's happy. Whereas a woman from here will have a life of her own, resources, family, friends, (and maybe even exes) who could cause you or your family problems. Being in a position of power at the time of marriage, she might have more demands, expectations, ideas of her own and she is more likely to challenge and question you and your parents. I know this sounds cynical...but it is not meant to be. I genuinely believe that God created a "match" for each of us. Someone not sharing your values or not being compatible for marriage does not make you or her a bad person or inferior in any way. You can get along with someone on certain levels or even care about her...without that person being "your match". It sounds like that was the case with this girl. You connected on some level...but there was an important "deal-breaker" that you could not get past. Bottom line: Know yourself and marry accordingly.

  58. Brother you did the right thing. It wasn't in her kismat to have ya, period !

  59. No, actually judging people for superficial reasons on the basis of how they dress is EXACTLY the opposite of thinking ... to acurately judge someone you would have to get to know them and find out why they are muslim and what parts of Islam they love. We are not capable of judging muslims for how well they practice inner Jihad .. trust me, appearences can be very very deceiving.

  60. it's not about getting to know someone its about how the behave in the society. it's very important, if you act like a trash you loose credibility in the society. also you bring bad name to the ummah. one bad person bring bad name to the lot of people. it's pointless talking to diluted person. who think following islam the way it should be followed is old school. east or west live like a muslim die like a muslim and be proud to be a muslim. i am a muslim before i become human being!

  61. I don't understand why you guys have to think so hard to figure a simple thing out. when a person say something like this... "She claimed that I was old school and narrow-minded and we broke it off. " what do you think ? is she claiming she is gonna change for him? or is she saying hell with you why do you still practicing old islamic values? she could have said it was my past i dont do that anymore. then there is room for conversation. but rather she was so arrogant to accuse him. if the girl is like that, she give a simple impression of not knowing islam, not knowing fundamental principles of islamic value, and even it goes against Desi Culture i am not desi but i have lots of friends they are desi. anyway, this so lame to argue on this! like i said before find another girl... there are tones of beautiful, cultured muslimas. then again don't have to go microscopic view on things... if you cannot find one in usa import from other countries... This westerners taught our muslim brothers and sisters new thing call moderate islam, liberal islam, traditional islam, as if its really existed that way. think about it... what islam our beloved prophet taught us? BE JUST A MUSLIM. Don't get divided!

  62. Purpose of Hijab There are barely any Hijabi's in Pakistan. The society is very moderate, as Islam states Muslims should be. So, growing up I always thought that Hijab was optional to show extra modesty etc during prayers. I'm recently hearing debates on Niqaab (face cover) where did that come from. That sounds a very Taalibaabish concept to me and sucks!! A moderate religion that makes our lives easier is -->Islam and it is to be understood intellectually. Even the Quran states that "this book is for those who think". Bottom line is that Islam teaches MODESTY to both men and women. Though it is true that the concept of Hijab and Parda is more for women's protection, hence, women carry more of the burden of "modesty". Females are protected by the concept of hijab and being covered up not only physically (rape etc), but also psychologically and emotionally (they do not have to live up to some Madison avenue standard of "body type" and fashion queen in order to be acknowldeged and feel validated as women). Though I am not a "hijaby", and pretty stylish in my dress (yet covered), I still like the concept of Hijab in Islam (modesty is taught in all religions). I interpret that it is not that I will go to hell for not wearing Hijab, but I do have the option of covering up if that is what helps me feel more comfortable. Additionally, If a woman is covered, men tend to see her more as a person first and are not distracted by her female charms. It would be ideal if Men raised their levels of consiousness and viewed us females as a whole person: soul, mind, body. But alas, men are also to some extent "slaves" to their biological make up. They are more visual, sexual, and programmed to pursue the female, etc. But remember what Allah says to men "The believers shall guard their modesty and Lower their Gazes". Bottom Line: God made me and other women the way we are. We females are beautiful expressions of female universal energy. My body is not a Sin to be "hidden" and "covered". The way a lot of hijaabi's imply. One's "dressing" is insignificant. It is imperative that a person should have a pure loving heart, good intentions and righteous actions. Let's not be so superficial as to judge other's based on their attire. Anyway, the jist of it is that a woman should wear whatever she feels comfortable wearing. In the end, what is most important in Allah's eyes are our Intentions that preceed an action, ie, Neeyat.

  63. where do you get your smoke? i got to get it from there must be good. every single person bring part of quran...anyways you can who cares...what you do its for you. what you are saying is "I smoke, but smoking is bad for your health and its prohibited, but i smoke it anyways." thats how its sound like your hijab arguments. grow-up? you need to learn and bring islam in to your sorry azz life. you are not infiltrating other muslimah you are taking them with you to the hole you are digging for yourself. Death is 100% sure! so remember that. you wanna dance with guys do it...but don't bring moderate bszz which westerns gave it to you, and you people using it as like ignorant knuckle buckets. Moderate Muslims: Muslim means someone who submit his/her will to will of Allah. Now when you say moderate its like half way, i submit but i dont. such an ignorant statement you got there! sorry to say if i were you... I would shut the hell up!

  64. At least one muslima on the whole naseeb understand what i am saying! see we blame everyone else but us. we muslims lack of understanding quran and sunnah and so scared to follow it thats why we need so much of opinions from others. Seriously! though i am not so happy which the word didn't from western side it had to come from eastern side. but thanks.

  65. Yes Allah is most forgiving and loving, but if we do things against his words saying he will forgive us... thats warned in the quran. all i am saying is get back to the Quran and sunnah learn the quran learn sunnah bring that in us. every time some body wanna findout if its haraam or halaal we goto google. google got good and the bads, few days ago i found a brother posted a none muslim website which is a fake islamic site. mixed-up quran translations, trying to put bad things in muslims. their ingenious is that they plugged few bad stuff in some places hard to spot things. so you guys gotta be careful what you learn check with your quran if you find something.

  66. Muslim women have been given just as much power by Al-Islam as Muslim men. Not true

  67. stop calling yourself a muslim. you know nothing about our faith. stop making us look like the cavedwelling neanderthal that you are, please. you insult the rest of us everytime you express your muslimhood in public.

  68. For every rule in Islam there is a reason behind it,if you actually take the time to analyze and that's why I have given examples of why Hijab is good for women. However, growing up in Pakistan I came away with the impression that it is Optional and done to show extra modesty. Now, I am not going to get into an argument over this "optional" topic. Bottom line is that Islam asks us all to be modest, have good intentions and do good work, create harmony and love (which your comments certainly are not...you sound more like you escaped from the Taliban camp).

  69. If the person posted the pic at a social networking, then you have your 4 witnesses requirement there. I agree with omerhussain, it was her past, then if you can forgive and forget, do continue with the engagement plan. Otherwise, better quit now.

  70. "A reminder: If you label a woman slut/wh0re/prostitute without providing four eye witnesses who actually have seen the woman in the act, then you are supposed to receive 80 lashes. I bet no one knew that." unless she admits to it, then you dont need witnesses. something like her herself putting up photos (assuming they're not photoshop'd) kinda...creates this weird situation doesnt it?

  71. Okay now you are making division in islam! why would you have to say sunni school why can't you say islamic teaching? coz of few like you in this world bring problems to muslim ummah. also you sound like you work for Romans, coz divide and rule is their way, and people like you cannot think far enough you divide yourself. Problem start in us! without fixing us we are trying to fix others. what you are saying is not true.... we men call only those who act like that, who go out of their way and represent them selves are muslims and write a book against islam. you know who i am talking about... there are many many women like upto that name. they come to western world they try to act like that those loose everything. and yet they try to say we are muslim and they try to represent. guess if you wanna act like them stay in their sides. who is posing to cars to sell cars half naked? men or women? are you trying to say there aren't any muslim girls in that list? muslim guys bring bad name to islam and twice more women of islam bring bad name to islam. anytime you tell them about islam they say its between me and allah (swt)... but as long as you dont represent islam when you are doing bad things... coz you are part of ummah in that case you are my problem coz you represent me. we all interconnected... so if you dont fix yourself allah will fix you by giving you problems on top of problems... some naver wakeup... Stop googling quran... go back to the quran learn it, stop googling hadiths learn hadiths... stop looking for loopholes in islam for your shaytaniath... you will be fooling yourself coz there are no loopholes. Maverick11: brother please grow some facial hair you bring shame to men. you look like your manhood is cut off. you kinda have a girly face now. so metrosexual, these are sickness we have among the brothers. Most of the men in western world became more girlish than being who they are... sickness adopted from other sides (gays).

  72. oh, and put on a shirt, you clown. no one wants to see your hairy shoulders.

  73. "...Moderate Muslims: Muslim means someone who submit his/her will to will of Allah. Now when you say moderate its like half way, i submit but i dont...." I mean who was to believe Dayaasir's version of Moderate Islam suggests that it is appropriate to have dancing or music at weddings but if done in the right spirit (lets sit here and define what spirit you're referring to) better yet lets get "Wrkingonimaan" find a Sahih Hadees on whats the right spirit.. I agree that people who don't have knowledge on certain topics should rather not comment but personal attacks don't add any value either. We all know that we make assumptions and judge people and its all part of the process some are good at keeping their feelings to themselves some say it out loud, so why should we have to victimize the questioner for sharing his thoughts/judgment? Perhaps his intentions were food for thought for women and men out there to learn from his experience and to avoid ending up in a similar situation as his. In the end whats in his or our naseeb is what we're gonna get, there's little one can do to change destiny. Good Luck & Salaamz to all

  74. Auroraborealis, I agree with you that certain people here have reading comprehension problems...namely Dayaasir...he starts attacking people before analyzing the gist of what they are stating. By the way, I have to say that you have very well thought out and very well articulated arguments...and so wise for a 22 year old....but how can you be Athiest? Don't you think there is a creator of all this beautiful artistry we call life...we can chat more independently if you want (I do not want to discuss any further in this forum). Regards, Sarah

  75. You sheep are still grazing in that cave i see. If you wear the uniform of the slut then you are one. If a fireman is wearing his uniform in public he is NOT a Priest. or baker, chef/cook(males). You dingbats fail to see the simplicity of life and its natural laws. You continue to seek fragmented and intentional divisional tools created by your elite leaders. You linear sheep keep posting hadiths and such what about common sense? which is active/receptive, hot/cold, +/-, input/output, protons/electrons. Women have no need to impose or impersonate a character in which they are truly not that character. Women need to choose who they are, if you want to be modest-dress modest. If you want to be a slut diva/beyonce then you will dress that way. Stop wearing costumes you sheep..thats the nature of women, living a lie. Makeup is a lie, heels, accessories all costumes add ons lie/cover-ups of their true representation.

  76. Princesam, First of all, you seem very angry in general....secondly you seem very very angry at women!! A person's attire is not a representation of her "true character"...take the time to know a woman first. Additionally, any and all clothes are also "accessories" whether worn by men or women...as they enhance and/or cover up something. You are contradicting yourself... awww...someone didn't get enough hugs from his mommy!

  77. Manbeast and Dayassir...stop getting peronally offensive against Maverick11 and just fight ure case by keeping the argument to the topic at hand....he has as much right to his opinion as u do without having to be subjeted to ure rants and raves about his appearance....so childish!! we are all accountable to Allah for ourselves...so if we have done any wrong or right He will hold us to account for it...you dont' need to be "judge and jury" on this planet against all those who don't think like you... this is JUST A SIMPLE CASE OF INCOMPATIBILITY which is being used as an opportunity for some to jump the gun and claim the "gal" as a "slut" and the "humble doctor" as someone who saved himself from an unholy unislamic union with the said "slut".... i have pics on social websites socialising with male freinds in what some orthodox conservative muslims would class inppropriate clothing...i guess i better own up to the fact that i am a slut too...oh the shame of it all....duh! Perhaps i should start a "sluts anonymous" support group here for people like me and those who are disgusted can beat us with virtual stone throwing till we learn the "errors" of our ways....

  78. Alrighty! Break it up Kids!

  79. ...you did the right thing by d/cing the engagement. I'm trying to place myself in your position. We all have our do-not-cross lines. I would probably be off-put and alienated if I were to witness something of a similar scenario. Call me a prude, but hey, that's why I married a prude, too. :-) You'll be over it soon.

  80. judging is bad... can't do it... nope never judge... what, child molester?... well thats different... doesnt involve religion... religion is personal... morality is not personal... why?... well like... i dont know thats just how it is... stop bothering me... with ur judging nose... thats right... ur nose.

  81. we routinely judge according to universal moral rules (don't kill, don't molest kids) because we all buy into them. if we all buy into islam, then we will (quietly or when appropriate out loud) judge according to clear universal islamic rules. it's really no different in theory. guys and girls talking is not a universally agreed upon ill, but girls and guys dancing closely is rather agreed upon. the trouble is that for whatever reason we don't buy in completely. like a rational investor that hedges risk by diversifying his investments, we similarly keep one foot in islam and another foot outside based upon a simplistic hope that we can hold onto everything due to our lack of domicile (no taxes! yay!). In other words, we sense a certain amount of risk/liability in being completely in as well as completely out, hence this silly little scheme we create for ourselves. Quite simplistic and pathetic really.

  82. milhouse1980_mil house so fagg... I guess you don't have a mirror at your home! look at yourself before you look at others. if child molester how he look like... guys look at this guy milhouse1980! my nose bothering you is one thing. but you stop bothering children. you came here to talk about judging! lol you cannot judge in this world you wont able to live. every body judge and every assume! you nor me different in that sense. but you look like child molester thats not just judging that what came out of your mouth. maybe you are here for redrose65, she is in that business. she will come for less than a penny. i posted something for her azzwholes, did not post it! jai hind! pakistan will be kabirstan soon!

  83. You clearly have different values from this girl, so I think you did the right thing. However, both of you should have been honest with each other from the start: her about going clubbing while wearing revealing clothes, and you about wanting a hijabi or at least someone who dresses modestly at all times. You could have avoided wasting a whole year, but don't worry - you are young for a dude and there is still time. There are loads of hijabi girls out there, including converts. Why don't you consider one of them?

  84. Having said that, there are quite a few girls out there who dress pious and claim to be pious, but are anything but underneath. I hope you don't end up with one of them! This chick may not have revealed her true colours to you herself, but at least she had the guts to put those pics out in the public domain, knowing full well that some people would deem them to be inappropriate.

  85. from the question that vortex has asked, i don't see anything anywhere that he made the assumption that she was a wh0re. in fact, he actually liked this girl! to answer the question, did you do the right thing? i don't know if i have the answer but here's what i think. you mentioned to this girl that you don't like that type of dress or social behaviours. that happens to be a big part of anyone's life. if she doesn't agree with you, and you feel that it is important to you enouch to not be with someone who lives/thinks differently, then yes, you did do the right thing. but at the same time, people compromise in relationships. we've seen many times people adjusting their lifestyles once they meet a person who opens their eyes to something else. hey, to each his own. we can't judge, we don't know one's niyat. i don't think that there was any hypocrisy involved. this girl flat out said 'this is who i am'. props to her for NOT being a hijabi who is asking for a hymen repair surgery. also, vortex is saying 'well, i'm like this'. again, he's saying what he is at face value. so, if the relationship wasn't that deep, you did the right thing in not being together before you both would have gotten in too deep. because it was 'long distance', you probably wouldn't have been able to see everything until it was late anyways. so props to both of you for saying who you are and what you feel immediately!!!! at the same time, a big WTF to all those who thought that this was about being hijabi wahabbi vs. being liberal party-goers. get with it.

  86. I agree with the girl...you are old school and narrow-minded if you broke it off for that reason...

  87. look man, this has nothing to do with if you are brown black white or idiot, if she was seriously talking to you with the intent of getting engaged and married than she should not be out going nutz with other guys...not sure how old the pictures were which you saw but infidelity has many forms and something like this is just not cool to do. i dont know about all the other stuff but if it bothered you enough, you should ditch her. if she thinks it is OK for her to do this while shes committed to someone..than i dont care where you are from, this isnt the kinda woman u want. bye

  88. You did the right thing. Now continue towards becoming a better Muslim, and find a partner who could share that enthisiasm with you (of bettering your religion, which in turns curbs problems you highlighted in your question, and improves personalities)

  89. Salaams.. just be thankful that this was revealed to you now, and not after you were engaged and/or married.. Khayr.. Allah knows best and you will find someone better suited for you Insha'Allah. You did the right thing.

  90. Sarahm1216 - You are you sheep, potato head paki winnable princess. No body is angry lol ! Why would I be angry? Because I speak the truth I must be angry?? The things I mentioned are common facts, they are self evident. I know you muslim sheep today like to candy coat your lives, but im here to expose you noodle brain muslims. I correct errors, this is reality being shun upon. Once you one dimensional sheep stop posing your lifestyles you will seek pure life. In result you got emotional, thus why you stated I was angry lol..pretty strange yet very typical among the new generation muslims. So miss PRINCESS, aka sex in the city I see no contradicting going on here. I know your sitcom brain couldnt comprehend my fireman and priest example so I will give you baby food now. Outfits indicated a particular meaning/style. It tells you who that person is b4 you knock on the door and enter. Just like red represents hot, and blue is cold. These are all externals, so just shut off your tv csi for a few weeks, learn some basic shapes and colors. Try fisher Price.

  91. let's all repeat this for hours while doing the robot. and it won't be lame and it wont be inappropriate. because one can never judge. that's just how it is. ask sheikh ibn clubbin.

  92. lmao@Pyar a LOT of us do walk do .. its a verbal forms of whipping and stoning .. thats why, the least Islamic people i know are judgemental ones.

  93. no need to tell someone not to butt in. pop a midol, no need to show attitude. and i wasn't talking to you, i was answering vortex's question.

  94. who cares - if you are not happy with it, than so be it. Why go through and marry someone you are not 110% sure on. NEXT

  95. Hey dude, you are what you are, and you guys were obviously incompatible. Don't beat yourself down, move on. Best of luck in your search.

  96. Marriage is a gamble.....You might end up marrying a hijabi who tomorrow comes out of Hijabi....n starts drinking n clubbing.....who knows the Future ? Only Allah......the guys she was dancing with could be just best friends...who knows...at least they did not propose her for Marriage....DuHhh...really ? So why worry now ....For now you did what you thought was the right thing or else Allah may never have made you aware of her life style. Dont sweat it so much Budd....MOVE ON please. All the best.

  97. it wasnt meant to be. how can you be comfy with her for the rest of your life when you're not comfy with her at the moment. and if she is not listening to Allah's orders, who might you think you would be to convince her. Leave her to her life. she'll learn it on her own. you deserve better and may Allah find you the one you're meant to be with. Ameen. :)


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